Remembering Her Son on Mother's Day
At the 2022 National Eisteddfod in Ceredigion, Esyllt Maelor won the crown for a series of poems on the theme 'Heat'.
Mother's Day is a day of celebration but also one filled with emotions and memories, according to a mother who last saw her son on Mother's Day 2015.
"I remember that day clearly," said Esyllt Maelor, who lost her son Dafydd in a collision on the Felinheli bypass road a few days after Mother's Day.
"I was tidying in the kitchen when Dafydd's car arrived in front of the house. I remember seeing him through the window and hearing the sound of his footsteps coming closer and soon after.
"Why do I remember it, I don't know? Perhaps my senses were heightened to remember."
She recalls being under emotional strain as Dafydd was listening to a family friend speaking on the program Beti a'i Phobol. The program was a repeat, and the guest Elliw Llwyd Owen, a family friend of Esyllt, had recently passed away about two weeks earlier.
"Dafydd must have known I was upset and he came to comfort me.
"He stayed with me all day and had written a card saying 'No work today Mum. No marking!'
"I remember him saying goodbye and watching his car go up the lane and disappear.
"Without doubt, Mother's Day is a day that brings back memories for me."
'Difficult for Many'
In this week's edition of Bwrw Golwg on Radio Cymru, Esyllt Maelor emphasizes that she is not the only mother with emotional memories.
"Everyone's feelings on this Sunday can be raw," she said.
"It is not an easy day for many people. There is hype around it – cards, gifts, restaurants full – but it is a day that can alienate people.
"Some have lost their mothers as young children and Mother's Day can take them to places they do not want to be.
"Perhaps some have had difficult relationships with their mothers and remember the relationship and cannot reconcile with it.
"There are others who want to be mothers themselves and long for what they did not have, and others who feel, perhaps, they could have been better mothers and feel guilt about that."
Esyllt Maelor Wins National Eisteddfod Crown
At the 2022 National Eisteddfod in Ceredigion, Esyllt Maelor won the crown for a series of poems on the theme 'Heat'.
"I wanted to write because I felt something was driving me to write. I'm not sure if it was Dafydd, but I wanted to write to show that there is, somehow, some support available.
"Sometimes there is some warmth or protection available to someone at difficult times and I certainly felt it, and Dafydd, the eldest brother, remains a great influence on our family.
"I'm not saying things are easy because of that. The grief is still there and someone has to go on this journey alone but you are not quite on your own...
"I have been very fortunate to have support from family and friends and have had some support, some warmth, some great love... I can't quite explain it.
"It is unexpected and does not always come at times when you want it to come."
Raised as the daughter of the late minister Gareth Maelor, Esyllt adds that her experience of faith is not straightforward but "without faith I would be lost".
"Faith for me perhaps comes and goes and maybe through it all there is something there sustaining me.
"I have been fortunate in that, to be honest."
On Mother's Day, she says her two other children and husband – Rhys and Marged – will "definitely be dropping by".
"I really appreciate their company and the care and love they share," she added.
The full interview with Esyllt Maelor can be heard in this week's edition of Bwrw Golwg and then on . Support is available on the BBC helpline.
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