Mothering Without a Mum: A Hidden Challenge
"I know it takes a village [to raise a child] but even having the biggest village can feel like the loneliest place if you don't have your mum."
Abbie Matwiejczyk was pregnant when she lost her mother, Jayne, to cancer. Navigating profound grief while welcoming her daughter into the world, she sought connection and understanding through TikTok, finding a community of mothers facing similar experiences.
Abbie is among thousands of women confronting this often unseen struggle, according to the charity The Motherless Mothers, which advocates for increased awareness and specialized support for mothers without maternal figures.
The 29-year-old from Swindon, Wiltshire, shared with the BBC that healthcare professionals often seemed unsure how to address her loss, prompting her to find comfort and solidarity in online groups.
"It's like feeling really lost all the time and I just find myself second guessing everything,"she said.
"It's the help you would have had as well, I think. Having people that actually relate to it is the one thing that's made the biggest difference to me."
The Motherless Mothers charity highlights that women like Abbie
"often feel unseen, misunderstood, and unsupported."
Adina Belloli, co-founder of the charity, emphasized the lack of research and awareness surrounding this issue.
"It's under-researched, there's no awareness, healthcare professionals don't really understand the language around this and the significance that it can have."
Healthcare Perspectives on Maternal Support
Dr Alain Gregoire, a consultant psychiatrist who established a specialist mother and baby mental health unit in Hampshire for women facing severe mental health challenges during pregnancy and postpartum, stressed the importance of recognizing maternal support.
"We absolutely should be routinely asking all mums during maternity what support they have around them and, of course as part of that, 'is your mum around to support you?',"he said.
"Because she will be one of the most critical people in your life, particularly at this time. If she's not there, it's going to have an impact."
Personal Experiences of Motherless Mothers
Clare Cogan, a 47-year-old mother from Marlow, Buckinghamshire, who has two sons aged 17 and 20, has been estranged from her own mother for 18 months.
"Day to day, I can meet my boys' emotional and practical needs but, when we hit a significant moment or a bump in the road, I've got nobody to turn to,"she explained.
"I have achieved a sense of peace but the other side that nobody sees and appreciates is a sense of intense grief,"Clare added.
The Scope and Mission of The Motherless Mothers Charity
Motherless motherhood can arise from various circumstances and at different stages of life. The Motherless Mothers charity supports women whose mothers are absent due to
"loss, illness, estrangement or any situation whereby maternal presence and support are missing."
Louise Kirby-Jones, the charity's other co-founder, stressed the need for recognition and understanding.
"We need to give it a voice and we need to let the world know how hard it is for women who are mothering without a mum."
