Wedding Gift Costs and Expectations
Johnny and Lottie were gifted £4,000 at their wedding last September.
Attending a wedding can be costly, considering travel, accommodation, and possibly a new outfit, alongside the expense of a gift. Invitations increasingly state: "Your presence is enough, but if you would like to give us a gift, please donate to our honeymoon fund."
Replacing traditional gift lists with bank transfer details introduces a new etiquette question: how much should guests give?
Wedding list service Prezola reports a rise in couples inviting guests to contribute to specific experiences rather than a general cash fund, with the average guest contribution at £116. However, expectations vary widely based on factors such as closeness to the couple, cultural background, and attendance costs.
Johnny, 34, explains that he and his wife Lottie give between £250 and £400 depending on their relationship with the bride and groom and their financial situation.
"We don't have that many friends, so it's nice to give generously,"
he says. At Johnny's own wedding, most close friends gave between £100 and £200, one couple gave £400, and Johnny's father contributed £2,000. They used these funds as spending money on their 17-day honeymoon in Canada, which they had saved for independently to avoid relying solely on gifts.
'QR Codes at the Bar'
Not all guests give hundreds of pounds. Hannah Rose-Thorn, 30, states she "always gives £50 in a card" and found that the average contribution to her honeymoon fund was similar.
Hannah is planning her honeymoon in September using the money gifted at her wedding.
"We mentioned money on our invitations and also created print-out QR codes for people to scan at the bar,"
she says. Hannah received £3,000, which will be used as spending money for the honeymoon, which she had already paid for.
According to Hitched, a UK-based wedding planning website, the average UK couple spends about £4,000 on their honeymoon.
Despite requesting money, Hannah also received physical gifts.
"We got a lot of champagne and some flute glasses from my boss at work, which were nice, but we have a lot of that so it will most likely get regifted,"
she adds.
Johnny notes that some guests ignore requests for money to provide something they consider more meaningful.
"They mean well, but it probably means you'll get a bunch of John Lewis and M&S vouchers, like we did, as well as some physical gifts too,"
he says.
'Nobody Wants a Random Dish'
Chelsea Chivers, who is marrying in August, holds a firm view on cash gifts.
"Some people see money as impersonal and think it's awkward to give but it's kind of standard now, so either give nothing or give money. Nobody wants that random dish."
She usually gives around £200 for friends and more for family but adjusts based on the wedding. For example, when a friend married in South Africa, she did not give a gift because attending already cost thousands.
Chelsea often disagrees with her partner on gift amounts, noting he would "give £50 if left to him."
'A Little Impersonal'
Even as cash gifts become more common, some find them less personal.
Ollie Hickey, 28, has contributed between £30 and £50 to several honeymoon funds but finds them "a little impersonal."
"I like the idea that you can tie something specific to someone who shared your day with you, rather than a pot of money,"
he explains. Ollie is not engaged but has discussed with his partner the possibility of requesting guests bring records that bring them joy if they marry, as they are record collectors.
"It's a piece of the people that are part of our special day,"
he says.
'Our Guests Paid for My IVF'
Not all newlyweds use cash gifts for honeymoons.
Roxie Westood redirected money gifted for her honeymoon towards IVF treatment.
She married abroad in Ibiza and "didn't expect any gifts," but guests still gave about £100 per couple.
"We had hoped we'd conceive naturally, but we'd started trying long before our wedding and it wasn't happening,"
she says.
When "reality kicked in," using the money for IVF felt appropriate. It covered a significant portion of the cost, and Roxie expresses gratitude to friends and family for "playing a part" in bringing her son into the world.
Georgia Finch, 26, requested money towards a loft renovation and received £2,500 from 80 guests, covering roughly half the cost, which she describes as "amazing."
As a wedding guest, Georgia prefers to contribute cash and appreciated when a colleague set up a site allowing people to pay for specific honeymoon experiences, such as a couples' massage, scuba diving, or a luxury breakfast.
This made it easier for her to purchase an experience, as she would personally give up to £20 to a fund currently due to financial constraints.
Cultural Differences in Gift Giving
Gift amounts can also reflect cultural differences.
Ewa Lewszyk-Howes notes her Polish relatives gave between £250 and £400, while her husband's English friends and family typically contributed around £100 per couple.
"But that comes with different expectations,"
she explains, describing Polish weddings as large celebrations with abundant food, open bars, and free accommodation.
"In the UK, guests are more likely to spend that money on travel, hotels, taxis and other costs that come with attending,"
she adds.
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