Introduction to a Dark Debut
Sean Gilbert’s debut novel, I’ll Be the Monster, gradually unveils the dark past of a seemingly perfect couple, exploring themes of obsession and control with keen observation. At first glance, the couple appears flawless—glowing skin, poised limbs, and a lifestyle marked by travel and social media allure. They reside in London but often journey abroad, attracting attention wherever they go. She writes affirmations on hotel stationery, while he claims to discern notes of bark and tobacco in his chianti. The story opens in Istanbul, where beneath their polished exterior, tension simmers, secrets lurk, and the possibility of murder looms.
Reunion and Unease in Istanbul
The narrative begins with an unexpected reunion that unsettles their sightseeing. The unnamed narrator and his wife, Elle, encounter Benny, an acquaintance from university they haven’t seen in 15 years, outside the Hagia Sophia. Benny, a former university peer turned second-rate rapper, clings persistently to their lives. As the trio browse market stalls and share shishas, their conversation drifts to the past, revealing underlying tensions.
Flashbacks to Cambridge and Complex Relationships
Gilbert intersperses the Istanbul chapters with flashbacks to their Cambridge university days, where the three were entwined with Raph, a charismatic and accomplished member of the debating society. Elle dated Raph but experienced betrayal. The narrator feigns indifference but watches Raph closely. Benny harbors unacknowledged desires for Raph, denying his own sexuality. During their third-year exams, Raph is found dead in a punt on the Cam, apparently from an overdose. He holds a bottle of Puligny-Montrachet, with a decaying picnic nearby and Titus Andronicus music playing from a speaker.
Tensions Escalate at an Anatolian Hostel
The narrator wishes to distance himself from Benny, but Elle resists, leading the three to a remote Anatolian hostel. Here, surrounded by confident gap year students, the tension intensifies. Gilbert reveals further traumas: a cruel sex tape, a damaging social media incident, and a family death. The couple discusses violent impulses, debating whether to bludgeon a diner with a crowbar or use poison. It emerges that Raph confided in Benny before his death, raising questions about Benny’s knowledge and whether the couple might kill him to protect their secrets.
Obsession and Dysfunctional Dynamics
Gilbert crafts a claustrophobic tale of obsession reminiscent of American Psycho and The Talented Mr Ripley. While it may not reach the heights of those works, it excels in portraying the dysfunctional couple. Gilbert’s ear for their sharp, shifting dialogue and codependent relationship is notable. Their rehearsed displays of glamour and happiness have become hollow; their routines feel empty, and their kisses are described as
“strangely contractual”. The narrator professes he cannot live without Elle, who relies on Xanax and vodka and suffers restless nights.
Unhappy Characters in a Shallow World
None of the characters find happiness. Gilbert’s thirtysomethings inhabit a world of superficial friendships and fractured or absent families. The younger hostel guests appear to be on a similar trajectory. Corporate life is bleak, exemplified by a digital nomad’s remark:
“You should love your cofounder more than your wife,”yet attempts to satirize this environment through Benny’s awkward raps or garish street art fall flat. The novel struggles to imbue meaning or appeal in some areas: Benny remains a peripheral figure, and Raph, the pivotal catalyst of the Cambridge storyline, lacks charm or interest, rendering those university sections somewhat flat.
Powerful Set-Pieces and Relationship Focus
Despite its flaws, I’ll Be The Monster builds momentum. The novel features compelling scenes such as the opening where Elle watches porn in a hotel lobby searching for a familiar face, Benny’s social downfall backstage at a gig, and Raph’s final journey. Central to the novel is the couple’s relationship, depicted with precision. The question of their guilt simmers throughout: they are believable as both unhappy fantasists and potential psychopaths. Their deteriorating relationship drives the narrative, exposing the contrast between their perfect facade and the dark, desperate reality beneath.
